


Uncertain

by sskinner155



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Love, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24423892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sskinner155/pseuds/sskinner155
Summary: Paul had graduated high school and now had a future ahead of him but how can he move in on in a uncertain world.
Relationships: Rachel Black/Paul Lahote
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Uncertain

The graduation ceremony at La Push school was a much smaller affair. His original graduating class was 22 students but because he, Jacob, Embry and Quil and Jared all had to repeat a year it was only 16. This graduating class with the five additional students 23.

Paul didn't feel like a high school graduate, he didn't feel like a nineteen-year-old. He was aged, seen too much, witnessed death and had been its carrier. Unlike his former friends who had graduated before him he didn't have a single clue what he wanted to do. Most of the time when he thought of a future there was a guilt in it.

"Paul. Could you try to smile for one picture please?" He looked up to his dad. The man was small in a way, thin and slouched or maybe Paul was just to tall now to muscular and he no longer had a good understanding of a healthy male imagine.

His dad had dressed up for the occasion, button up shirt and tie not part of his usually wardrobe but he appreciated the effort. His hair still long braid behind his back short strands fall to the side and scar on his left cheek from a fight that Paul had been to young to told in detail.

Standing straight holding the diploma in front across his chest he plastered a smile. His dad snapped a few pictures. "Rachel, while don't you get in there for a few." His dad asked.

Rachel had attended the ceremony too; her brother had also graduated. Jacob was just to his left getting pictures taken as well with Embry and Quil. Jared on his right getting his picture taken too. Like Rachel, Kim had come and the two were standing close his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder.

Emily had brought Claire and Charlie Nessie the two girls taking pictures with their best friend. He wondered what others thought of that. Claire was only five, she could past for Quil's relative, Nessie however stood out among the crowd. Her bright hair and beautiful face.

Jacob held her the two giggling about something. Quil was kneeled in front of Claire wiping her face as she had eaten something, and it was all over her. Rachel came to stand with him. She adjusted the color of his shirt under the gown and then the cap on his head. Turning to his father she rested her hand on his shoulder and smiled. His relationship with Rachel was more similar with Jacob's and Quil's relationship with their imprintees then it was Jared and Kim's. The only difference was he was the Nessie and Claire in the equation.

Never in his life had he have so many pictures taken of him. By himself, with Rachel, With his pack brothers, with his Dad. But the celebration wasn't over yet. It was his day, his dad was going to take him out to eat to The Form and then Sue and Emily was going to have a big party for the graduating members of the wolf pack.

His dad talked happily as he drove to the restaurant going on about how proud he was and that he was becoming a man. Paul nodded not entirely sure he agreed with him. For one he had to repeat a year, so if he hadn't would he have become a man last year? There was the whole shifter werewolf situation, most of the pack and those privy to the information felt that when you became a man or women in Leah's case.

He supposed he agreed in some ways. He did feel like a man, strong, powerful, aware but it hadn't lasted. He was also uncontrollable at times his body reacting without him, he was afraid, yea he was given superpowers, but he was also being pinned against supervillains, and he was uncertain about everything. His future, his life and himself.

Finding Rachel had helped it gave him something to focus on. But it wasn't the end all answers he thought imprinting might bring. He still felt lost. And it bothered him, no of the others seemed to feel this way. Sam sure had regrets and Quil was startled by the development but both felt right in their place.

"Your mom sent this." Paul looked back at his dad who held a card. His mom, he hadn't seen his mom since he was fourteen and even before than it had been sparing visits. His mom had remarried and had two daughters now with her new husband.

Taking the card, he opened it his dad watching the road but aware of him. A simple congrats grad on the front with the rolled up diploma and cap. Inside was a couple twenties and a short note. Congratulations on graduating high school. I know you'll do great things and have a whole future fun and celebration ahead of you. Keep up the great work. Love, Mom.

Paul scrunched his nose at the message. If his dad had said all this it would be touching but from his mother, there was a fakeness in the words. Saying what she thinks she needs to say. At least he got twenty bucks out of her.

His dad pulled into the restaurant and saw several other families who were also celebrating their recent grad. Paul could have ordered two entrees he was so hungry, but Emily would definitely have food at her house.

After the two ordered and his dad went on about how proud he was there was a lull in the conversation. His dad loosened his tie and took several long gulps of his drink. He was nervous. Paul hadn't ever completely lost it in front of his dad but they had had to replace a couple chairs and table. It upset him knowing his dad was sometimes afraid of him. He was doing better, leagues better he has once in the last year accidentally shift.

He was also becoming more reserved. Leah had taken up yoga and she said it helped and so he did too. Staying calm and not letting the minor or even major things take over. But still it had only been a couple years since he was the hot-headed kid capable of splitting a counter top with just the slam of his fist.

"So," He started. "Do you…have any plans?"

Paul shook his leg looking past his dad when he answered. "College really isn't for me dad."

"That's fine, I didn't go to college either but what do you want to do? You haven't expressed interest in anything…" There was a pause. "Did you check out any of the job listings I showed you?"

He grabbed his knee stopping his leg from shacking and concentrated. "I've looked at them."

"And?"

"I don't think there for me, service industry or customer service." He was better at controlling his temper, but he could only imagine how well he'd take a customer yelling at him.

"What's wrong with the service industry?" His dad asked, a little loud and hurt. He was a bartender.

"Nothing." Paul got defensive. "Just not where I see myself."

"What about the other ones? There was some labor jobs in there as well as back of the house jobs. Paul your nineteen, if you don't want to go to college what do you want to do?"

"I don't know! Why do I have to have it figured out right this second." He shouted and people from the other table was looking at him. He opened his hands wide and slowly brought each finger to his thumb and back again. It was a control exercise Leah had taught him.

His dad sat back in his chair, embarrassed and defeated. "I shouldn't have brought it up here, its your day. I'm sorry."

Paul swallowed an added layer of guilt as the waitress brought their food.

The rest of the lunch with his dad had been awkward after the tiff. Paul wanted to apologize, explained to him why he was unsure and confused about what to do now but his dad didn't know the truth. It would take a long explanation and one that Paul wasn't sure he was ready to discusses.

He had time before the party at Emily's house changing out of the too formal clothes, he didn't want to hang out in his house the whole time. There was a chance that his dad might bring up the job argument again. Grabbing his sweat pants and hoodie he headed to the beach.

A quite and clear mind was what he wanted so shifting was out. Walking along the beach he heard the crashing of the waves and the sound of people enjoying the nice day. There were a lot of kids and their family all having fun, carefree living their life.

He wondered how many of them would end up as pray and how many predators. It was a dark place his mind always went to. But when you lived in a world of monsters how could it now. He was met to protect these people but there was so many to many vampires, more than he would have imagined.

What if he failed. He had in the past, at least four hikers had died because of the red head leach and all those people in Seattle the news stated dozens but the number was so much more he knew that the pack and the Cullens knew that. Hundreds had died right out side of his area of protection. There were the ones he had killed too. Yes, they were vampires, they had lost their humanity and had killed but they were once human. Had anyone of them once sat foot La Push beach, once were like these family and thus his responsibility?

Paul felt a pull, looking up Rachel was just a few yards away. She had changed out of her spring dress into jeans and an old t-shirt but her hair was still in the fishnet braid and makeup done. She took a seat next to him digging her toes into the sand. "Your dad called and said you went on a walk and the two of you had an argument."

"You didn't have to come, shouldn't you be celebrating with Jacob?"

She gave an irritated sigh. "He's at the Cullens right now celebrating with them. He'll be at Emily's but…"

It wasn't a secret that Rachel didn't care for the Cullens, finding out the wealthy new family in town was a family full of vampires had to be a shock. He wonder how she handled it discovering the stories were true that her brother was a werewolf that he was one and vampires lived in the world. Though he knew her irritation came more from the fact that Jacob prioritized the Cullens as his more important family.

"Its not his fault. Nessie is-"

"I know." She cut off, she had grown tired of the she's his imprint excuse. "Want to tell me about this argument you and your dad had?"

"He brought up jobs and my future."

"And?"

"And what future? Rachel I'm stuck, here." He pointed to himself. "I don't know how the others are able to just go on after everything. They live and are happy and all I can do is worry about the next big blow up. What are we going to do if the next threat comes, what if we can't beat it? And what about the people I've killed. Yea they weren't human, but they were once people."

He had gotten up not wanting to sit down any longer. Rachel followed him matching his stride as she spoke. "You still have a future Paul, maybe a little different then the one you thought you'd have but still a future. One that you fought for time and time again."

"I didn't fight for my future I was fighting for others, yours and my dad's."

"And yours." She said. "I can't imagine the things you've seen or the fears you have. Vampires, werewolves all seem pretend to me still despite the fact I've seen Jacobs and yours wolf form. It's scary this new world we are a part of, but you aren't alone. You have your brothers and Leah to fight along with you if comes to that." She grabbed his hand. "But that's not enough reason to watch your life go by. Because you fear something bad might happen."

He looked at their hands how she held his, squeezing his fingers together in an uncomfortable hold. If he wasn't what he was it might have hurt. She didn't hold his hand often, they weren't that way. Rachel wanted to talk things slow become their own person first and he was fine with that though he did feel some jealousy towards the others. Everyone else's relationship with their imprintee was easy, theirs complicated and like everything else uncertain.

"Its hard for me to go to sleep at night. This guilt and fear and anger I have. I try to run from it or pretend it's not there, but it comes back and I can't figure out what to do."

"Talk about it to me. I'll listen isn't the whole reason you imprinted on me was to have someone there for you. A friend or protector."

"It's the other way around." He said.

"It can be both ways. I'm here for you and your there for me. That's what a healthy relationship is romantic or not. None of this I'm yours until my death. I can help, with these feelings, with figuring out what you want to do and leaning how to live again."

He pulled out of her hand shoving them both in his pocket. "And what if its all just a big waste of time. What if I'm a big waste of time."

"You aren't. You deserve to be happy and find something outside of the roll you were given. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but it'll be worth the effort." She spoke with a determination that energy that he could only remember having. He liked the way she spoke and how a dimple would appear in her chin when she held her sucked on her bottom lip.

Looking up at the sky, the sun was just hanging above the trees. "Do you want to walk to Emily's together?" He offered his elbow in a friendly way.

"Yes." She said with gusto. Their relationship was different compared to the others but Rachel truly was what he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't want us to forget the wolf pack now that midnight sun is on the way. Paul is a fan favorite but I don't see many stories about him and Rachel so here one. I sometimes forget that he's only 17 too in the story so I wanted that to be a foucs that he's just a teenager. As for him and Rachel I think they'll have one of the harder coming togethers mainly because Rachel seems like a no nonsens women. Let me know what you think and what character you'd like to see next. Also fluff or smut, I write both


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